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Cuffing Season: BUT I'm Struggling with Dating/Relationship Anxiety!


Hey Loves,

I want to touch on a topic that's been heavy on my heart and that is ANXIETY, especially dating and relationship anxiety. Anxiety is something I've struggled with for a very long time but I'm learning how to overcome. I have my good and bad days.  From social anxiety, to actually having panic attacks in the past and now noticing that myself and so many others struggles with dating/relationship anxiety. I believe I first started experiencing anxiety in middle school but mainly in high school with social anxiety. Then when I was diagnosed with mental illness at 16 years old, I felt the anxiety increase even the more because that's the age usually when you can start dating and get your parents "ok" to start having a relationship. I wore shame because of the illness so heavy. I couldn't explain what I was experiencing when it came to my symptoms. The fear-based thoughts, always thinking of the worst that can possibly happen, and learning how to grow beyond the social, dating and relationship anxiety I've experienced with men took time. And I honestly can say, I still haven't arrived yet. 

One thing I am noticing about anxiety is that it comes in different forms and attachment styles while dating and in relationships. You may experience anxious thoughts when you are triggered by your partner or the one you are dating. They may say something that reminds you of what your ex said or someone you dated before that left you in shambles. Instead of communicating to your partner or the person you are dating about it, you either try to sabotage the relationship so you can never experience the emotions you feel while triggered again. You put a wall around your heart and have your guard all the way up because you refuse to deal and heal from the relationship trauma you've experienced. You may run to old partners, situationships, and relationships that you were comfortable with but you know in your heart, they aren't the best for you. You may avoid dating and relationships altogether due to anxiety and keep delaying it by saying "you're working on your relationship with God and getting closer to Him" or "you don't have time or too busy to date" but in all honesty you are afraid to trust and love again because you feel you may get burned. You feel as though you have to be perfect to truly allow someone in. You may be experiencing negative thoughts and feel as though you will never have someone who will genuinely care, understand and unconditionally love you. 

I get it! I'm learning how to nip this in the bud now. I understand the pain of letting your guard down and being disappointed. Shoot, that and being disappointed over and over again. BUT I'm learning that I don't have to stay in disappointment. I don't have to replay in my mind and feel the aches in my heart when I was let down by a guy in my past. This is not an easy process. I'm working on meditating on what scripture says and fighting against the war in my mind when it comes to old thought patterns and soul ties (mental/emotional connection) with past men that I genuinely and deeply cared about. 

Here are some scriptures I am currently meditating on to help me overcome my sting from the past. As I press forward to welcome something new and healthy in my life, I am constantly pressing through anxious feelings.  Even while writing this blogpost, I'm a bit triggered in a sense because I've realized after meeting new guys after leaving the situationship that I don't have to beat myself up over how it went down. To make light of the situation and take it in as a learning experience. The perfectionist in me is like "couldn't be me, I would never allow myself to be in a situationship like that". The lighter part of me that I am working in therapy is like "have self-compassion Ree, you had some fun moments. You allowed yourself to open your heart and care for a guy deeply". 

My now Go-to's scriptures:

12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

Constantly getting attacked in your thought life in your healthy and thriving relationship and you feel a war within? This scripture helps us to see happens to the singles, the ones who are in healthy relationships and marriages. 

Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;

But this scripture lets us know that even though the anxious thoughts come, we do not have to entertain them. We can give them to Christ. We can cancel them out in Jesus name. We can renew our mind in the Word of God. 

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

We can meditate on good and positive things. We can speak good things about our dating experiences and relationships. We do not have to be pessimistic. We can declare great things. We do not have to internalize mama and daddy experiences, and that fourth time divorced auntie. We do not have to give into what statistics says but put your faith and trust in God. Because really HE'S all we got. Just because there are failed relationships, failed marriages, doesn't mean that God can't do something new if you've experienced that or witnessed that from others. I know the enemy would love to have a field day in your mind and make you feel like everyone cheats, play games, break hearts, will scam and  betray you but GOD. HE will show you something truly different. Put your faith in HIM, not man or in numbers.  Allow Him to mend your heart. I am with you in this journey, and you are not alone. We will get our healing together.

In this article, you will better understand what anxiety and social anxiety is and how to support a partner dealing with anxiety. (Link from Better Help about Relationship Anxiety)

Word for someone: You have been experiencing rejection and feeling inadequate for way too long but God longs to restore your mind and heart. He longs to heal the brokenness. He says you are not a reject, you are his Chosen One. He is calling you to come closer to Him like never before and believe that He will give you the desires of your heart. He wants to bring forth His very best in your life and have been pulling on your heart for the longest but you were looking for Him in a person. He wants you to know that He is turning your disappointments into reappointments and for you to stop expecting so much from people who are fickle. He wants to bless you beyond measures but is calling for your attention to put Him truly first. He says he loves you and never stopped loving you. Come to Him! 

If that word was for you, you are in my prayers! Keep me in your prayers!

Love you!

xoxo Sheree B

Me right before a blind date 💕


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