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| Photo Credit: Daily Mail |
It was February 14, 2011 when I was admitted to the hospital after having an episode at my psychiatrist and therapy appointment. I remember being in very much denial about having Bipolar Disorder and I was barely taking my medications before I was hospitalized. I remember calling my then boyfriend while in the hospital and feeling distant in our "relationship", I was kind of hurt while being hospitalized because I really thought he cared about me and he was the first guy I ever dated and told them I had a mental illness. I remember lying in the hospital bed like,"I'm not supposed to be here. How did I end up here on Valentine's Day?" Thoughts were running through my head, I remember one of my thoughts were that my then boyfriend was going to come to the hospital with flowers, balloons and a teddy bear and that he would be with me before I was discharged to my hospital room. But I was just imagining things. When I was discharged out of the hospital to go home, I remember being so excited to talk with my then boyfriend to remembering that distant feeling I felt when I was in the hospital. I remember him asking me why was I telling him certain things and I said it's because you're my boyfriend and he was acting like he didn't know we were in a relationship. The pain of rejection was real from that point but instead of letting go, because my illness made me feel less than my worth, I held on to the "relationship". In which later that year led to him stringing me along, playing with my emotions and cutting me off. I never felt so much heartbreak, pain and rejection ever in my life. He later apologized to me through a friend for his actions and admitting he did me wrong but at that point I was already healing and moving forward. Even though the apology was very greatly appreciated.
So fast forward to now, 6 years later, that pain caused me to push me into purpose to bring awareness for the mental health community. The main reason I decided to blog my story was because 1.) I felt like ministering to the mentally oppressed is my main purpose in life and 2.) I needed to get in my purpose before Christ returns or I get called home to be with the Lord and 3.) I wanted to tell my story before meeting someone new (which that person will be my future husband) to show that I didn't need anyone to affirm me in that area. Christ did that! My mental health was never meant to kept a secret. The more I felt like it had to be a secret, the more shame I felt.
I understand the woes of dating, because you may really desire to open your heart to that one special person about your mental health and you want them to really consider you as a person not your diagnosis. You may struggle with the idea that there will ever be someone for you who will understand your medical history. I understand that. That's when we have to rely on God's word. Here is a scripture that I meditate on that helps me believe God has my back concerning a spouse. I pray it helps you!
Matthew 19:26 "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."
Join us for our Celebration of God's love! This Sunday will be Bless the Singles! Details in Flyer!
Join us for our Celebration of God's love! This Sunday will be Bless the Singles! Details in Flyer!
Happy Valentine's Day Loves,
God loves you!
-Sheree B
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